I know why we have a Butt Crack

This week my pilonidal cyst was surgically extracted. Last year it decided to get infected again and was literally a pain in my ass for a month. It took nearly a year to get scheduled for the surgery (this being Canada), but last week the fateful day had come for me to rid myself of this embarrassing predicament. As it turns out, getting a pilonidal cyst removed is more undignified and embarrassing than having to explain to people why your butt hurts in the first place. And now that the procedure is over, I can say unequivocally that our butt cracks serve an important purpose (more on that later).

The whole ordeal was a touch embarrassing. My general surgeon was a woman and prior to the surgery I had a couple of cheeky appointments with her. When it came time for the surgery, there were two other female nurses along for the ride, with a jokester for an anesthesiologist in tow. I have no doubt that I was the butt of more than a few jokes during the 30-45 minute procedure. I of course was not conscious for the ordeal, so I took a crack at piecing a couple of facts together afterward. Two of those facts I would discover were:

1. My butt cheeks were thoroughly shaved.
2. My butt cheeks were sewn together.

Point two is odd. It’s been nearly a week and I’m still confused as to why my butt cheeks are sewn together, but it is teaching me a critical lesson: our butt cracks are physiologically critical in providing a full range of motion. If we were a bunch of coneheads running around without butt cracks we wouldn’t be able to bend over, put on our socks, wash our feet. There are several movements that I will no longer take for granted after this experience.

Apart from a bit of discomfort and a limited range of motion, I’m in very little pain and in generally good spirits. I’m not allowed to sit down for a couple weeks which has forced me to work standing up. The position is surprisingly conducive to coding. So apart from parting with some of my dignity, I’d say I gained more than I lost and the experience was a positive one.